So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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