nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's blow job season.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
