Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize