No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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