Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
