you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
