what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
