i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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