We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
