you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dignity is for republicans.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Randomize
