watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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