Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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