We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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