I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
