marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
