Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
