Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
