apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize