The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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