It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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