Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
