The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
