My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
