dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
