a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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