you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize