chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize