I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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