theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
