Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
