pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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