I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
