So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
