She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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