New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
