I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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