apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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