i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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