I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
