I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
a search helicopter?!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
