he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
