I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
