Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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