Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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