i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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