My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
