who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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