Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
