my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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