I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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