You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
