just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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