Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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