When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
