Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize