my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
