GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
