careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
