Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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