Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
