sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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