even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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