just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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