hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think i got beer on your cat.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
