everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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