Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
