It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
