don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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