Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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