My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
