i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
