I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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